Phone sex or a meditation to soul?

I called you, yeah

But for phone sex,

We said our hellos,

We masturbated together,

You got me wet,

I got you hard,

But none of us came,

I still wonder why?

I didn’t moan,

For you the same way I did for him,

I still wonder why?

I still wonder why?


My story ends with roleplaying,

But for you I stayed,

I stayed and we talked,

We talked about life,

Never once hesitating to tell you about me,

I admit it was phone sex,

But why wasn’t it just that?

Talking for hours,

Like we knew each other by heart.

Was it you or was it me?

That went along the lie,

Just to confess.

Just confess the truth,

We lied.

I told you I was sad,

I told you life’s been killing me,

I told you I had been through a rough day,

I told you many little details about me and my life.

Laughing and giggling,

Time passed by,

In just a few hours,

We weren’t stranger anymore.

In just a few hours I confessed so much,

And you listened.

In the back of my mind,

I just needed someone to talk to,

Phone sex,

Just an excuse.

You knew that too.

Maybe your lonely too,

For you stayed.

Never knowing my age, my name,

You still promised to stay.

And yeah we know,

This isn’t love.

Its everything to me though,

been on the road for far too long,

You make me feel like home.

Beautiful creature,

Let’s talk again sometime,

There’s so much for you to know,

There’s so much for me to know,

There’s so much more to both of us,

Even if we are using each other,

For release or

For killing loneliness,

I still

Hope to hear your voice again,

Hope to have one less lonely night.


Too late

To you,

My eyes sparkle.

To you,

My lips smile.

To you

My cheeks flush.

To you,

I’m dancing.

To you,

I’m partying.

To you,

I’m happy.

I’ll invite you behind the scenes someday,

And I’ll tell you,

My eyes are moist.

I’ll Tell you,

My lips are locked.

I’ll Tell you,

My cheeks are wet.

I’ll Tell you,

My body resembles the dead.

I’ll Tell you

I’m dead inside.

And then you’ll cry too and ask?

How can I save you?

I’ll look up,

Laughing as if I’m mad,

With sad and hurt filled eyes,

I’ll say,

You’re a little too late.

I hate you mom and dad and myself

 (Warning : This is not a poem just a rant)

I’m sorry for not being good enough.

I’m sorry for wanting to eat junk food all the time even though I’m fat.

Being fat is a crime.

I finally get that now.
I’m sorry for not being a scholar.

I suck at school.

I’m sorry. 

And I hope you knew that my passions are opposite to being a scholar.

I’m still giving it my hundred percent ain’t I? 

I’m not.

Even though I left all my true pleasures for you.

And you both failed as parents,

Just like I failed as a daughter.

I love but I hate you too.

And these I see the love disappearing.
You dont have time for me,

Neither did you notice that I’m dying Inside.

Its really funny how you seriously never notice what’s going inside me. 

Like never.
All you ever want is good grades.
And in this race of life I lost myself.

Doesn’t matter to you, now does it?
I really really really really hate myself.

And I really really do hate you as well.

No one!

You dont see.
You never will.
And i wonder if I’ll ever heal,
Down the road,
Im fading away.
ever tried to trace my shadow?
I know.

Seems like these days,
Everything i ever do is wrong.
I am all wrong.

Parents pray for your best,
Im sorry
But they wont ever be someone,
Who listens to your rants.

Im sorry,
I asked for your time.
Cause i have so much to say
No ears to listen.

You all simply say,
Go! Work hard.
But when on my knees,
Even one hand,
Is hard to be seen.

Tears fall down my eyes,
I wipe them away.
Sometimes sleep takes over,
Next morning the sign still remains.
Forcing myself back on my knees,
When i can hardly breathe.

Sounds depressing to you?
Its my reality!
Makes your heart heavy with sadness?
My heart carries these scares.

For if these words make you feel even a bit of pain,
Ever thought about me?
The one in pain?

Now i really wonder,
Can they really not see,
Like at all?
All the scares behind my face?
For i dont even try and fake smiles anymore.


No more explanations,

No more details,

What you see is true,

That’s me.
Tired of explaining,

Tired of hearing,

I leave,

I stay away.
The barriers are rising,

They stay invisible,

Until one day,

They’re all up

And there is no going back.
I’m a rebel,

I talk shit.

Open your eyes and look closely,

You’ll find your answers,

Deep within me.

My mouth is foul but honest. 

Its only dishonest,

When I say I’m alright.

Its only dishonest,

When I say I’m happy.

With no more words left,

I say goodbye.

Little do you,

Goodbye means,

I’m closing another door.

Like a shadow,

I’ll fade away.

With no traces to be traced.

I wonder if you’ll Ever feel me gone.

The twist of fate!

We keep meeting again and again,

When we don’t want to.
The more I run away,

The closer I get to you.
 I hated you.

Maybe I still do.
I needed you,

Maybe I still do.
I loved you,

Maybe I still do.
All these emotions,

Take their roll on me,

Each time I see you just like that,

Just like that fate takes its troll,

And just like that, my emotions are havoc.
For all the unfulfilled promises,

I remember you. 

I remember the hurt,

You left,

And I caused you.

I’m sorry,

You say sorry too,

But still the space remains.

We are professional now,

But I’m dying to vent.

You don’t express much,

But you said your sorry.

I know you mean it,

I know you do.

But the trust is broken,

The bond is gone.
I’m dying alone,

In a way, getting stronger.

I’m living alone, all on my own.

With no one by my side,

I’m still breathing.

Teaching myself,

This is the real world.

Trust no one, 

Break no one’s,

Live alone,

Live happy,

For we came alone,

For we are gonna die alone.

Not a poem! Just a short letter.

I’m not gonna talk to you anymore.

I’m not good enough for you.

I’ll never be.

Sorry you had to be my guardian,

Sorry I’m not what you need.
You don’t notice my pain,

I’m already gone.

I’m not the same.

I don’t smile much.

I cried on my birthday if you only knew.
If you only noticed once,

That I’ve changed for worse.

That I’m shutting out the world.
Only if you loved me,

Only if you understood me,

My life would’ve been easy.

Its not your fault alone.

Its mine too,

For not being,

All I need to be.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry but all of you’ve lost me.

I’m long gone,

But of course you wouldn’t know.