Anorexia!

Hello hello,

Finally we meet.

Anoxia,

Wanna be your new victim.

If being your victim,

Means weight loss,

Ill gladly open my arms.

Come to me,

Cone to me,

Im waiting just for you.

Outer beauty,

Is important than inner,

So I’ll gladly be your victim.

under your shelter,

World would be happy,

Heart Might not be at ease,

Funny thing,

Isn’t it?

For weight loss means healthy,

Even if,

Dead inside.

So anorexia,

Don’t really care,

If you eventually kill me.

For dying is the final outer math,

The journey.

Will bare me,

A Few days of peace,

A Few days of happiness,

A few days of self-love.

So anorexia,

Babe come to me,

I’m waiting!

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So missed me?

Hey,

Stangers,

I’m back,

That is if you care,

Enough to know,

Know what I’ve been up to.

So I’m in college now,

I’m in a place I wanted to be,

But surely,

I’m not happy.

For my life was different,

The way I knew it was gonna be for me,

Until it completely changed,

Two years ago.

This time around,

I don’t expect anyone to be my best friend,

Or even be a genuine friend,

Don’t believe in friendship anymore.

So life’s like that.

I’m not happy.

Know I’m not complaining as well.

Cause I don’t expect anymore.

I hate my reflection in mirror,

Cause I’m just too fat.

My self esteem is on high ,

Only for show,

Only for show,

Deep down I know,

Self love!

Not meant for me,

Cause I just can’t.

Indeed for world I’ll pretend.

I’m still struggling a lot.

It isn’t how I imagined it to be.

But then I left my expectations long before I even entered.

So somewhere and somehow I’m still here.

I’m still struggling to be all that I want to be .

To be true to myself.

For that I work.

In the end,

I got rejected many times,

Was genuinely trying to be a part,

But various club leaders in my college didn’t know my worth.

genuinely wanted to work hard,

And make name for myself,

Like I always have.

Guess God has a different plan set for me all together.

You who reads this please leave a comment.

For I’m desperate,

To know,

Someone somewhere,

Care and reads all that I have to say.

So please,

Just stop by and say hi?

And so I stayed.

I stay,

With you.

I agreed to stay,

Cause I agreed to let go of the hurt.

Our contact now,

Gift of a messenger,

Heard,

You felt we were distant,

Reason?

You never knew why!

Rolling my eyes,

Wondering how you never could understand?

Sometimes,

I’m an angel,

forgiving easily,

Is a habit,

Comes easily to me,

One step towards me,

Thousand steps towards you.

And I’m still hurt,

Best friends are meant to be there,

Therw for you,

When your at the verge of breaking down!

Best friends,

Know!

Even without explanations!

I guess it isn’t true!

But wait!

Another best friend,

Always knew!

Your type is different!

The type,

Never understands grave issues,

Never knows how to read,

Never introspects.

I guess,

That’s your type.

But hey!

I stayed!

stayed cause knowing you care,

Even a little bit,

Was enough for me.

And staying,

Was easy.

Cause,

I didn’t just love you,

I loved your family too,

Especially your mom!

Saying goodbye to you,

Means,

Goodbye to them.

And it’s easy to stay,

And,

Goodbye!

Always ends in tears.

So I stayed.

Cause it’s easy to fall back into old habits,

Rather than making new,

And so I stayed.

Cause I stayed.

And I’m trying to forgive,

that’s how it’s always been,

So it’s not new to me.

Was always habitual of forgiving,

Little issues,

Than it grew to larger issues.

I guess,

I do it,

Cause it’s easy!

Or maybe,

Just maybe,

I love you enough,

To let it all go,

Again and again!

Nothing special.

Use to think,

The world revolves around me!

Learned the hard way,

It doesn’t.

Use to think,

I’m loved to infinity and back!

These thoughts,

They vanish.

Just as quickly they come.

Mornings starts with groans,

Nights end with tears.

Once I was afraid of dark places,

Now I find peace in them.

Thank you,

Mom,

And dear classmates,

I know now I’m nothing special,

Its hurts in the start,

Slowly seeks in the reality!

Lonely,

Life.

Lonely,

Heart.

Honestly doesn’t bother much,

For ugly don’t find fairylands,

It resembles sorrow and darkness,

Truly I resemble that.

My image in mirror reflects,

Ugly.

I use to love me,

Wondering what went wrong,

Now I hate me.

Happiness?

I don’t seek you anymore,

I crave for peace,

More!

Sorry if this piece makes no sense

But then again,

Don’t care enough to be sorry.

I care about nothing,

Cause no one care about me,

stopped giving fucks,

When heart bleeds,

No one sees,

And I?

Can’t see anyone.

Darkness and emptiness,

Fill my heart,

As I slowly sink under water,

slowly dying.

Love’s price

Sat in my balcony floor,

I asked myself a question.

Everything has a price right?

Everything has a price.

What’s the price of love?

They say its priceless!

But honestly,

For this price less love,

We pay the biggest price.

At times,

Giving away ourselves.

Other times,

Compromising with ourselves.

Paying the biggest price for love.

Love!

Why do I, me and you,

Crave it so bad?

Knowing it’d requires change?

They say love changes you for the best,

Ask me?

Its all bullshit.

Complete utter bullshit.

Then the say they,

love that requires you to change,

Isn’t love.

To me its

Fucking bullshit,

Unconditional love doesn’t exist!

Now does it?

Parents want,

Scholar daughter or son,

Girls want handsome boyfriend,

Boys want sexy girlfriend,

After marriage,

The girl is supposed to leave her parents,

Rich boyfriend \girlfriend,

Intelligent boyfriend \ girlfriend

My Daughter son must me skinny!

The price we pay for love!

Liking something you absolutely despise,

Hating something your heart once pumped for,

Leaving something you cherish the most,

Staying by something you hate the most.

The price we pay for love.

The price we pay for acceptance,

The price we pay for admiration,

By the ones we love.

Here,

Did we ever once notice the heart?

Talked about it?

Were satisfied by just a pure beautiful heart?

No right?

I don’t just blame the ones I love here ,

I also blame myself.

For I might be doing the same to them.

I’m just simply letting everyone know,

Nothing!

Absolutely nothing!

Is fucking free in this world!

Lost dreams…

Dreams?

I call them nightmares!

Keeps you from sleeping,

Keeps you restless,

Through the night.

Dreams!

They say dream big.

Well don’t!

Is what I’d say.

When dreams crumble,

You crumble,

You bleed,

You sink.

Trust me..

It kills you alive!

Lost Dreams!

Mark the start for,

Depression or denial.

Anger or resentment

And its better when reflected on others,

Than yourself.

Cause when on yourself

Self pity drowns you.

Cause with dreams,

Lies our self worth.

Dreams broke me,

I’m broken.

My brain screams

Stop dreaming!

Stop dreaming!

Stop dreaming!

My heart says

Its not the end yet!

Not the end yet!

But eyes seem to know the pain,

Hearts willing to smile,

Eyes willing to hide,

Brain willing to protect.

Who ever I choose,

One thing is for sure,

That girl I used to know,

The me I use to know,

Is dead.

Oh how I wish,

I could meet her once again!

Oh how I wish,

I could see her smile once again.

Oh how I wish,

I could be her once again.

Now,

Can you guess who killed her?

……

Phone sex or a meditation to soul?

I called you, yeah

But for phone sex,

We said our hellos,

We masturbated together,

You got me wet,

I got you hard,

But none of us came,

I still wonder why?

I didn’t moan,

For you the same way I did for him,

I still wonder why?

I still wonder why?

Usually,

My story ends with roleplaying,

But for you I stayed,

I stayed and we talked,

We talked about life,

Never once hesitating to tell you about me,

I admit it was phone sex,

But why wasn’t it just that?

Talking for hours,

Like we knew each other by heart.

Was it you or was it me?

That went along the lie,

Just to confess.

Just confess the truth,

We lied.

I told you I was sad,

I told you life’s been killing me,

I told you I had been through a rough day,

I told you many little details about me and my life.

Laughing and giggling,

Time passed by,

In just a few hours,

We weren’t stranger anymore.

In just a few hours I confessed so much,

And you listened.

In the back of my mind,

I just needed someone to talk to,

Phone sex,

Just an excuse.

You knew that too.

Maybe your lonely too,

For you stayed.

Never knowing my age, my name,

You still promised to stay.

And yeah we know,

This isn’t love.

Its everything to me though,

been on the road for far too long,

You make me feel like home.

Beautiful creature,

Let’s talk again sometime,

There’s so much for you to know,

There’s so much for me to know,

There’s so much more to both of us,

Even if we are using each other,

For release or

For killing loneliness,

I still

Hope to hear your voice again,

Hope to have one less lonely night.